Tips for Managing Your Stubborn Toddler

As any parent knows, the toddler years can test the patience and resolve of even the toughest of us. As children approach their second birthday, it appears that every question or request you make of them receives a firm “no”—it’s their way or the highway. However, stubbornness and defiance seem to be perfectly normal behaviour.

“Kids this age are going through so many developmental changes that cause them to behave this way, and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them or your parenting abilities.

For instance, your kid discovered that he is his person, and he is eager to try out his newfound independence. “What seems like rebellion is just your kid putting his own will and trying to work out what he can and can’t do,” This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—children learn through cause and effect and trial and error—but the power struggles that ensue can be frustrating. Further complicating issues is that youngsters of this age group are naturally interested in everything around them and want to discover; nevertheless, they are unaware of their physical and cognitive limitations. So, if you have to say no to a thing your child wants to do, he will probably resist.

How can you maintain your authority (and sanity) without undermining your child’s independence?

Pick your battles
If your child attempts to defy you in a minor situation, it can be beneficial to let her do what she wants. If she insists on getting dressed herself, you might let her do so on the weekend when you have time to spare gives your child a sense of control, which she craves. Offering options, such as green beans or peas with dinner, can also help satisfy her desire to make her own decisions. However, don’t provide more than two options; anything more will overwhelm her.

Avoid saying “no” too frequently
Every kid must hear the word “no,” but if you say it frequently enough, your child could begin to tune it out or become even more stubborn. “Rather than saying ‘No running,’ for example, you could say ‘I need you to walk,’ which is a more positive interaction,”. Look for ways to applaud your child’s good behaviour so he doesn’t feel like he’s constantly disciplined or punished.

Understand your child’s triggers
If she always fights you when it comes to getting into her car seat, for example, you can come up with a distraction or a way to make the situation fun. “Explain that once she’s buckled in her seat, she can have her tablet or a book, or you’ll play music she likes. However, if your child continues to resist, stop negotiating (especially in a non-negotiable situation like this one). “Simply say, ‘We’re not going to do anything until you get in your car seat,'” she tells me.

Do not give in
It’s tempting to give in to your child’s demands when he’s screaming (especially if he’s having a meltdown in public), but you must stand firm. Once you give in, your child learns that a tantrum will eventually get him what he wants. If you’re in public, take your child to a place where he won’t bother others and wait for him to calm down, or cut your losses and leave.